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Ch-Ch-Cha-Changes…

When my mom and dad divorced, my mom gave me one piece of advice - don’t be afraid of change.

I’m guessing that’s why I’m so open to global warming.

Sure, it might be awkward at first. But in time, just like my feelings of inadequacy and hunger for parental attention, wounds will heal.

It will likely be hardest for the eskimos. Why? Because they are notorious for, you guessed it, their fear of change.

Did you know that 85 percent of Eskimos voted for Bush? And their school system is still completely segregated. I know!

Anyways. For most Eskimos who are too poor to summer in Cabo, international corporations are bringing the summer warmth and fun to them!

I do see one potential hick-up - those damned igloos. I recommend they apply for ABC’s Extreme Home Makeover. While they may be losing their “traditional native” - they’ll totally gain support from their neighbors and all kinds of free stuff. My bet is Ty will show them bedrooms with ice-cube wallpaper - it’ll make them feel right at home!

This is just the way I see it, of course. Global warming isn’t about our reluctance to change our ways, avoiding international protocols, damaging ecosystems or melting ice-caps. It’s about teaching those racist Eskimos a thing or two about life. And you can tell Al Gore this: I see nothing wrong with that.

Filed by Zach at January 25th, 2007 under Articles.