Who Is The Real Barack Obama?
This election has been a tough one, with ruthless allegations and misinformation flying around like little Japanese Kamikazes. As we find ourselves in such serious times, however, we shouldn’t allow certain politicians to get a free pass. We need to ask these candidates the tough questions, and only settle for the truth. My point is simple: We need to know who the real Barack Obama is. We need to know about his associations. We need to know what he stands for.
There are obvious questions about Obama, who according to his website has “served in the U.S. Senate for the past four years” (I’ve yet to find supporting evidence for this claim anywhere). And while the liberal media continues to parade the man around, the American public knows very little about this supposed senator, and even less about his plans for his presidency. For instance, Obama wants to give universal health care to all children. I, for one, find it suspicious when any grown man shows this much interest in a child. Why don’t you try to give health insurance to someone your own age, Mr. Obama?
Well, America, through a series of slanted interviews and unanswered voice-messages left to the Obama campaign, I’ve been able to compile a definitive list of this man’s ties and history.
KNOWN FACTS ABOUT THE REAL BARACK OBAMA
- Personally responsible for canceling ”Firefly” on the SciFi Network
- Regularly uses black-tar heroin
- An ardent fan of the comedian Jamie Kennedy
- Was the 20th 9/11 hijacker
- Is actually the internet fighter Kimbo Slice
- Runs entirely off blood sacrifices of Christian babies
- Responsible for bombing the U.S.S. Cole in 2000
- In his home, Mr. Obama only speaks Spanish
- Passionate collector of ceramic cats
- Prefers the American version of “The Office”
- Was the black guy from Madonna’s “Like a Prayer” video
SOURCES: Encyclopedia Britannica (only used to check the spelling of the “senator’s” name), Wikipedia, My Uncle Stanley
The Obama campaign has yet to respond to any of these accusations, so we can at this time only assume them to be facts. It should also be noted that I’m only showing you the allegations that I’m near positive about. I am still investigating the “senator” from “Illinois” for his roll in several other crises, including the Great Depression, the 1906 San Francisco Earthquake and my emergency appendectomy back in 1998. The American public deserves to know what this scheming Muslim (or possible Mormon, whichever is less popular) is trying to hide.Who are you Barack Obama, if that’s even your real name?
Filed by Zach at October 24th, 2008 under Articles.